onsdag den 23. december 2009


Today it finally came <3
My super cute teddy bag! A little nice present to get just befor christmas.
It's soooo soft *-*
It has taken about a month if not more to made and get to me.
So now I can go leave a positive feedback for the seller.

I Couldn't wait to get on the weight till tomorrow so I did it today, because I knew I wouldn't have a chance to have the bathroom for myself so I could step on it.
Since Saturday I've only lost 500 gr. which means that I'm at 50 kg. now.
I had hoped less, but at least I reached the goal that I made for myself that I should go from 54 kg. (start of this month) to 50 kg. before Christmas.
But yeah, still dissapointed.

I'll give it about 2 weeks more to get to 48 kg. and then I'll force myself to eat more again to maintain that weight, eventhough it scares me like hell to start eating agian, because I'm so freaking afraid of food and the thought of gaining weight is really big.
So I also need to work on my mental state to get better.
I need to work through these disaese all by myself, because I won't become truely happy if I can't make on my own.
If I don't it will feel like I've taken a step down and that will only make me more misserable.
I'm strong! I hate being weak that's why I'll take care of everything myself!

Hm it's christmas tomorrow ^-^
as much as I look forward to just have fun, I would actually rather stay home and just watch a good christmas movie and take a walk at the graveyard later on the evening ^-^
But my sisters home and it's the first year we are having christmas with my little nephew, so I don't really think that I can.
Maybe if I got "sick" but I'm not that lucky.
Anyway, I'm not thinking of staying very long for the party since I don't really like christmas that much.
I like the snow and the cosiness, but all the stress about presents, the overeating of food and "celebrating" something I don't believe in is a waste of time.

Stupid fat leggs should just be cut of. Why won't they just go away? Makes me misserable inside.
It makes me wanna loose more. Makes me wanna kill myself?!

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