fredag den 26. februar 2010

Disappointed

Er virkelig skuffet over mine karakter indtil videre! .__.

Har fået et 4 tal både i EØ og i IT.
Er tilfreds nok med at have fået 4 i EØ for synes det fag er møg svært, men ville godt have haft et 7 tal i IT da jeg synes det er en del nemmere. Jeg ved godt at det er 7 på den gamle skala og det er sådan rimelig godt, men det er bare det når man siger 4 så lyder det så skide nedern.
Jeg hader virkelig den nye skala form.

Alt går bare i ged for mig lige for tiden.

Jeg kan ikke klare mine eksamener med en ordentlig karakter, selvom jeg virkelig prøver.

Min krop synes ikke den vil tabe sig mere selvom jeg nærmest spiser mindre og motionere mere end aldrig før. Virkelig belastende. Det er virkelig frustrende at jeg ikke kan få vægten endnu længere ned! .___. 43 kg. kom til mig! I really want it. Fat go away!

Derudover har en af mine bedste venner fra Italien lige mistet sin mor til kræft, så det er mega sørgeligt.

I dag var vi til prøve i salg og service og det gik fint nok men er mega irriteret over at jeg ikke nåede at svare på alle spørgsmål så der får jeg sikkert også en lorte karakter.

Og jeg kan ikke rigtig komme ordentligt i gang med min Powerpoint til min afsluttende eksamen på Onsdag, så der fucker jeg sikkert også op i det.



Har mest af alt lyst til bare at bryde sammen i gråd fordi jeg bare ikke magter noget af det. Sidde og slå mit hovede ind i en væg af skam over hvor dum, klam og grim jeg er.
Jeg har bare lyst til at forsvinde ind i ingenting.
A pitchblack hole all alone.

lørdag den 20. februar 2010

I know...

.... I shouldn't, but I'm going to see if I can loose two more kg.

My turn

Yeah, now it was my turn to get sick.

During the start of this week it were my parents laying sick, but now it is me.
Everything I'm eating is just coming out of me right away again.
So today I haven't been eaten anything yet.

It feels good somehow since I hate eating.

fredag den 19. februar 2010

OMFG!


This picture here of Madonna is so fucking fake that I can't believe my own eyes.
There's no way in hell she looks that good.
Yeah okay maybe like 50 years ago but not now and we all know that.
Just thought I would share it, since I just saw it on google.
She's posing for LV in this picture (or that's what it says idk)

I'm just amassed on how much retouching they have done with this picture. O__o

Weigh in today

Yeah that's today and it was at 45 kg.

tirsdag den 16. februar 2010

Update


Thought it was about time I came with a little update on what I have been getting home these last few days.

I know I'm a big money spender, but that happens in bad periodes when I feel down.
I got my new wig home, which you can see is pink <3
So I took a new photo with me wearing it.

This next one is the love. I adore my new stuff <3
especially the AP milky chan scarf! *-*
soooo soft!




Then I got four pair of socks and two cake rings from a shop on ebay called "Refuse to be normal"
They actually have a lot of great things there <3


Last but not least I went to go shop in "Tiger"
Their Nuddles only contains 70 calories per packagde <3
So I can live on them forever and not gain any weight hopefully, and they taste great.

søndag den 14. februar 2010

Best dream ever


Yeah that was what I had the other day <3

I had the biggest pleasure of meeting Maki and Asuka, the two designers behind Angelic Pretty <3 They were just absolutly amazing! *-* Both in their outfits! and they were so nice and down to eath. Went to a lot of their live shows, tea party. And after that I had a chat with them more privat, were they handed out lots of presents from their brand to me! Holy F...! I couldn't believe how much stuff they gave me! A happy pack, skirts, a dress, like two pair of shoes and I don't know how many accessories *-*



Sooo sad when I woke up from that dream only to find out that I didn't had all that stuff .__. *sob*


And yet again this night I actually had a good dream <3 but that one I'm not gonna tell, since it has a more private meaning to me than anything els. ^^

lørdag den 13. februar 2010

No name......

Feeling down...
Everything is just so fucking messed up.

Wish I could just leave this world. I'm tired, oh so tired.
Nothing is the way it should be.

When will it be enough for me? When I'm at 43 kg. or when I reach some weight like 39 kg.?

I'm so afraid.

Old pictures of me, hunting me everyday, both at night and at a wakening state in daytime.

It's going so slow
I want it to go faster.

Or do I really just wanna take it so far that they will put me at a hospital?
Will they do it too late then?

At times I just feel like giving up, but in the end I'm not willing to do it, no matter how hard I try.

Hard to stop when all you see in the mirror is something you don't like.
It's hard to stop when everyone around you are on diets to loose weight, because then you also wanna push yourself to loose more.



It's a sickness you don't just get rid of.


You can try, but it will always be there. Just around the corner, waiting for a moment of weakness.

I'm simply just not strong enough.........

fredag den 5. februar 2010

:___:

Til helvede med mig selv!!! Jeg hader mig selv mere end noget andet!
Hvorfor virker intet på mig? Arrrgh det kan gøre mig så gal!

Er fuldstændig urolig indeni fordi min vægt kan irriterer mig så groft!

Hvorfor er jeg ikke en petit lille pige i stedet for en overfed klam sæk.

Håber på, at ved at gøre mig selv syg her i weekenden kan jeg komme ned på 45 kg.!
Det skal bare virke for jeg er ved at dø over det hver gang jeg går på vægten.

Men ja, vægten kommer længere ned i sidste ende for nu synes jeg ikke 43 kg. lyder så slemt.

When will I stop killing my body ?
Aldrig! for inderst inde kan jeg jo godt lide det.

torsdag den 4. februar 2010

Fat and ugly!

That's how I feel right now, or rather most of the time.

tirsdag den 2. februar 2010

test today! x_x

Yeah today we had one of our final test at school x_x
It almost killed me! But as long as I pass I think I'll do fine. I had sooo much trouble with the first part of it and it took the most of my time so I dodn't had that much to the other projects which sucks because then I won't get that good grades.
:__:

And worse is it started to snow like crazy!
but if it continues I'll stay home tomorrow or well I'll do that anyways xD
I'm doing it because I wanna start on my other school project and get done with that and do really good!
I've done good the last few of them so hopefully this one won't be going totally bad =)


So I can stay up late today and do a lot of exercise <3
I wanna bike for 10 km.
make 200-300 sit ups
some push ups
and maybe if I'm not to tired bike a bit more.

Hm I also bought some new pills today which should help me to pass my food (or at least the bit I'm eating) fast through my body system.

Hopefully I'll work.

mandag den 1. februar 2010

weight...

I hate that and I feel like I'm gaing weight! (though I'm probably not only time will tell)

Just looking at some anorexia movies on youtube and makes me feel like pushing myself more.

If they can do it, so can I.

Love using money

I really do! =D
But somehow I always do it when I feel a bit down =/
So yesterday when I felt like crap I ordered
4 pairs of socks from Refuse to be nomale, and two cake rings from the same seller, and then a baby pink wig <3

I've found even more that I want, but I'll wait a bit with that.
I really wanna see if I can't find the Milky Chan dress somewhere! It's so amazing <3

I'm still totally annoyed with this body of mine =/
I will never be able to love it.
I wanna pull my weight even further down now.
So I don't think I'll be able to stop when I have reached the 45 kg. (which is not good for a 176 cm. tall girl >.<)

Like I care what others might think, as long as I will become happy.