mandag den 18. oktober 2010

Standby

That's what I have felt like today. I've been cleaning most of the day. So I haven't really had any thoughts to think things through.
I guess that is good in some way.

I have a meeting this Wedensday with my psycologist. I don't what to expect this time. I have to bring some photos with me of my grandfathers. Apparently they also play some game in this depression.

I don't know anything. I just feel empty inside.
I don't know what I want. I don't know what I like anymore.
I don't know how to be truely happy. Nor feel pain for others and comfort them.
I'm just a shell. An amor with no warrior inside to fight the battle.
I don't know where I wanna go with my life.
I feel defited. I have know idea of where I'm going anymore. I don't feel love for anything or anyone.
I don't seem to know what type of job that I want. And I fear every step outside I take.
I don't even feel like seing friends anymore. Eventhough they are close to me, I can't seem to feel any connection to them.
I've become so much more afraid of life that I'm completely shoting down.
I don't know how to tell people that. When I try to I become so overwhelmed and burst out into tears.
It's way easier to write things down.
Maybe I should write them a letter that tells them a bit of how I feel inside.
But after the last letter I wrote to my parents they became so sad a cried themselves.

I think I'll start on that letter now.

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