tirsdag den 7. december 2010

It's been a while since I've been writting a blog so I thought it was about time to write a bit again.

Lately everything has been going like crazy.
I'm almost sitting in a corner crying alone in the dark every night.
I look in the mirror and seing something that I'm not proud of.
I wanna lose the small amout of weight that I have gained again.
I felt so much better there.
At least at that point I could look at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw.
Now I almost cover up the mirror because I can't bear to look at myself.
I'm the only one who sees all the fat.

This is what I wanna go back to.
I love the bones <3
They feel so nice.
I hate that I have made the promiss to myself that I would take it slowly.
But that is the best way for me.
I really don't care what other think of this, because this is what I like.
And if it can help me to feel better it's worth it.

I just feel like since I have started going to see a psykologist everything has gotten worse.
My mind has become more fragile.
I don't even wanna get up and dress up in the morning.
I have completely lost myself.
Flying around in missery and a pain that won't seem to go away.
Life has no purpose and it never had for me.

The only thing at the moment that keeps me going is my best friend Mette <3
She is like a sister for me.
Caring and is always there when I need her.
She is the only one who seem to understand me.
Others try, but it only makes things worse.

But other then that I have started working at one of my fathers friend.
It's okay, but today I'm not feeling well so I don't know how long I'll stay. I guess it's better to give it a try.

Because of my metale state I also got to the conclussion that I had to break my relationship with a friend of mine in Rome, for some time.
I told him that I needed to do this for myself to get better, and he totally accepted it.
I told him that if I get better I'll write to him again.
He was pleased to hear that.
But it also means that I have to stop my talking with Hecate and I'll have to stop my ritual with her. But I'll still try to get in more contact with my demon.

But I can't write anymore at the moment because I have to go to work.

Take care out there!