søndag den 23. oktober 2011

Freaked out!

Yeah I had a dream last night, about me getting my periods back!
I woke up completely freaked out and scared of the return of it! Just another thing to trick me into stay where I am and stop eating.
I do slowly wanna eat more, without gaining any weight of course because I still wanna lose a bit of weight, but I really don't want my periods back.
I don't know, lately everything has seem like a mess in my head and I can't find any peace at all, I think it's due to all this life in boxes with me moving.
I also somehow have a little feeling of my parents have noticed that I have lost a bit of weight again.
I also think I have been pushing myself too hard lately. Like this Thursday I wasn't really suppose to be alone at work since it was the officielle opening day of the week but my boss had an emergency he had to attend to so I was left alone to handle the store and all the costumers! That wasn't really great at all when you're socially afraid to be around other people.
Eventhough I were lucky enough not to have that many costumers it was still really uncomfortable and one of them scared me a lot.
I tried to stay strong but everytime I was alone I cried.

The battle is still ongoing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jw7yk8hm_0&feature=BFa&list=FL5EVYKURUqkFVkYGdu5M1gQ&lf=mh_lolz