søndag den 29. juli 2012

This and that...

This dress is so freaking pretty! If I have enough money when we hit the 1th of August I'm gonna get it! Mwuhahahah.... Lol...
I've actually been really creative these last days so I have made a lot of rings, hairbands and other accessories and few clothes. maybe I'll post some of them here ^w^
I made a few rings for my sister and  have already made two hairbows for her with eyeballs on xD 

<------------- That is my ultra cute cat Lulubel <3
She is so adorable and funny. I'm so glad I got her, eventhough I don't really can afford having her, but I don't care, she makes me happy, and I just love laying with her in my bed.

Lol... I absolutely love this picture of the Disney princesses! xD
My friend sent it to me.
I'd like to see how that story would have looked like if they were like that in  the movies instead being "pretty".
Zombie princesses would be a greater movie!
*gets an idea* I'm gonna make disney horror movies!!! Woop!
Still figthing with the voices' in my head telling me too get sickly skinny again!
I can't help it. I think it's pretty <3 I don't think that will ever change.

Last weekend I went to a wedding and my mother said out of the blue "Your rings will fit again when you gain more weight".
It pissed me off and ruined my day. I have already gained a bit over 10 kg. since I was at my lowest. They my not see it but I do and I feel it. I hate myself every day for it. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgust by my look. I'm gonna loose a bit weight wether they like it or not. I wanna feel better with myself agian. So I'm gonna hit it for around 46-48 kg.
Other then that I feel rather crappy this week but it's because I haven't got my medicin beccause they just raised the prices like hell so I haven't been able to afford them, so I'm out of energy, feel tired all the time but can't sleep. When I stand up too much or just sit up I sometimes become so dizzy that I feel like passing out. The first 2-3 days after not having my medicin at work I could barely keep myself standing. Hell I couldn't even smile. It was like when I was at my lowest in my depression and Eating disorder! and that place I do not wish to go again! Then people my say "eat more!" I do eat a lot more then I ussed to and before when I took my medicin that wasn't a problem at all. I jumped around and had lots of energy, and most of all I could sleep a bit better.
Just too much crape these last days. For some reason they have increased my income with 500 kr. a month! That's a lot when I already barely can afford my bills and the only reason I can afford food is because my parents are helping me. And I so much fucking hate it! And then a few weeks ago I said to my father Thanks again for helping me and sorry that you have to pay for my food. He just smashed in my face " oh well, you know what you have to do about that!" Yeah I know don't you think I'm trying? wtf! It's not easy, and I also think about the same thing over a huondreds of times a day too so I don't need even more people to rub it in my face and especially not him. He thinks that I can do better without medicin, but you know what take a fucking look at me now I feel like hanging myself at the moment. My mother on the other hand thinks that everything is just perfect when I'm on medicin and that I'm "well" again, but also that is just not how it works.
Jesus I'm tired in my head right know, and all this anger makes my head spin even morer.
So see ya! <3

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