tirsdag den 19. januar 2016

Winter is coming!

Oh wait... it's already here!
Was out walking today ^^ 
So pretty with snow and ice <3 div="" nbsp="">




One of those days

Today I woke up to not being myself. It feels like again it's getting worse, this whole eating disorder has begun to awaken up in me. It's like an itching under my skin that won't stop. 
Scratching, rubbing and pulling my skin to make it go away!
So what triggers me? everything and everyone. No matter where I go it follows me in the shadows, only waiting to show its face so it can make me suffer. 
Sometimes I'm better at keeping it down but lately it's been getting worse. I have to force the food down again eventhough it makes me feel sick and I wanna throw up.
People might look at me and thinking I look like I'm doing good, but in my mind I'm exploding with all these emotions that is almost tearing me apart. 
And suddenly from all these feelings comes the hate and anger. So powerful that you want to hurt or kill something or someone if you had the chance. 
Until you find yourself with the balde in your hand doing the only thing that can ease it all a bit, selfharm... 
Lately it's getting boring and I want more.. 

Why do I long for this deadly creature.....

lørdag den 9. januar 2016

Soulmate

Sucks when you feel you have found your soulmate but finds out the other part doesn't feel the same way.
It was painful to find out that my neighbour apparently didn't feel the same for me. Which is one of my reasons to be a bit quiet and also this whole moving situation has taken its torn on me.
Anyway eventhough he says what he does I somewhat doubt it since he has went straight back to being around me as he used to with cuddling and touching.
I told him that I don't mind but that it would gonna make it more hard for me to try to not feel the way I do about him and at some point I might get stuck in between something uncomfortabe if he finds another.
I think there's something to him that he's not telling and I can only hope that in time he will open up and let me further in. We are still good friends and I'd like to keep it so and I can't help unless he's honest.
Right now I can just hope but not expect...