tirsdag den 19. januar 2016

One of those days

Today I woke up to not being myself. It feels like again it's getting worse, this whole eating disorder has begun to awaken up in me. It's like an itching under my skin that won't stop. 
Scratching, rubbing and pulling my skin to make it go away!
So what triggers me? everything and everyone. No matter where I go it follows me in the shadows, only waiting to show its face so it can make me suffer. 
Sometimes I'm better at keeping it down but lately it's been getting worse. I have to force the food down again eventhough it makes me feel sick and I wanna throw up.
People might look at me and thinking I look like I'm doing good, but in my mind I'm exploding with all these emotions that is almost tearing me apart. 
And suddenly from all these feelings comes the hate and anger. So powerful that you want to hurt or kill something or someone if you had the chance. 
Until you find yourself with the balde in your hand doing the only thing that can ease it all a bit, selfharm... 
Lately it's getting boring and I want more.. 

Why do I long for this deadly creature.....

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